Dealing with the loss of a loved one is always tough, but when it comes to suicide, it can bring a unique and overwhelming kind of pain. The shock and sorrow that follows a suicide can feel like a tidal wave, leaving you grappling with a jumble of emotions and struggling to make sense of it all.
You might find yourself burdened with guilt, wishing you could have done more to prevent this tragedy. There may be a sense of self-blame or anger at yourself and others for not recognizing the signs. Some even wrestle with anger towards the departed for leaving them behind. It’s not uncommon for those grieving a suicide to question the depth of their relationship with the person, wondering why their love wasn’t enough to keep them alive. In some cases, these thoughts can lead to suicidal feelings of your own. Adding to this turmoil is the constant replay of the final moments in your mind and the never-ending questioning of what could have been done differently.
What to Expect
In this devastating time, you may also have to navigate police inquiries, media intrusion, and the stigma still attached to suicide. Your cultural or religious beliefs might conflict with the circumstances, leaving some friends and family too uncomfortable to offer support, while others may struggle to empathize with a “self-inflicted” death. Isolation can set in when your usual sources of comfort seem distant.
You might find it hard to concentrate on anything else, feeling numb or detached, and unable to accept your loved one’s death, almost expecting them to reappear. At times, life might seem devoid of purpose.
No right way to grieve
Suicide is a global issue, claiming nearly 800,000 lives each year, with survivors left to grapple with the aftermath. However, it’s important to remember that your grief is personal, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. Grief comes in waves, often unpredictable, and can take a long time to work through, especially after a suicide. While the pain may never fully disappear, there are healthier ways to cope.
First and foremost, allow yourself to feel and express your emotions, even the darkest ones. Suppressing them only prolongs the pain. Keeping a journal can also help release emotions you may not be ready to share verbally. Consider writing a letter to your loved one, saying the things you never had the chance to say.
Be Kind to Yourself
Remember that your loved one’s life was more than their suicide. Focus on the positive and joyful aspects of their life and your relationship. Celebrate their achievements and share cherished memories with others who cared for them.
Expect the healing process to have ups and downs. Certain moments, like birthdays or holidays, may trigger waves of pain even years after the suicide. Taking care of your physical and mental health is crucial during this time. Maintain a healthy lifestyle and avoid turning to drugs or alcohol for solace.
Patience is key; don’t rush the healing process. Others may move on quicker, but it’s essential to honour your own pace. Avoid making major life decisions while overwhelmed by grief.
Lean on Others
Unanswered questions about your loved one’s suicide may linger, and the sadness of losing them in such a tragic way may take years to fade. All of this can lead to a condition called, “complicated grief”, in which the pain and sorrow don’t ease over time, making it difficult to move forward in life and relationships.
Complicated grief can escalate into major depression, psychological trauma, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). You may be haunted by intrusive thoughts, overwhelming emotions, and persistent anxiety that disrupts your daily life. If you find yourself in this state, seeking help is crucial to facilitate healing and make the necessary changes for finding peace and acceptance.
Seeking support is crucial. Don’t try to handle this on your own. Reach out to understanding friends and family members, join a bereavement support group for suicide survivors, or consult a therapist or grief counsellor. Social media can be a helpful tool for support, but consider limiting your exposure to public comments and stick to closed groups.
Focus on the Good Memories
When you’ve lost someone to suicide, life is forever changed, but it can still be filled with happiness and purpose.
Reflect on the good times you shared and create memorials or tributes to honour their memory.
Use your experience to help others, whether through volunteering or supporting those in need.
Reengage in activities that bring meaning to your life, and look forward to a brighter future.
It’s essential to understand that suicide is a complex issue with many contributing factors, and there may never be a satisfying answer to the question “Why?” Let go of guilt, anger, and blame, and accept that some things are beyond your control.
Ultimately, healing and moving forward are possible, even after the devastating loss of a loved one to suicide. It takes time, patience, and support, but it’s attainable.
