The media, and by extension, the internet has long been known as a source of unreasonable expectations. Men and women have been taught exactly who and what they should and should not be over decades of indoctrination. By now we all know exactly what our bodies should look like and where we can go to fix them if they don’t, and how we are supposed to act in each situation, which is exactly why I was surprised this month to discover that I, as a man, am supposed to be thinking, nearly constantly about the Roman Empire.
Millions of women took to social media to ask their loved ones how often they think of the Roman empire and the answers were staggering. Men suggested they might do it up to three or four times a day, and even the most unassuming of men acknowledged that they do it at least once or twice a week. Even, everyone’s favourite man Ryan Reynolds, chipped in with a TikTok about how he was casting his mind back to that ancient empire.
The entire trend took me by surprise. I, a man who has thus far managed to blag a fairly reasonable social life out of sports talk and knowing how to braai, almost never think about the Roman Empire. It’s difficult to acknowledge that I instead spend all my time wondering how restaurants suddenly determine their burger is “famous” or if, when Winnie the Pooh became stuck in Rabbit’s door and had to shrink to escape, that meant he was going to the toilet in Rabbit’s lounge.
I am not at all what one might call “Legion conscious” or “Acqueduct obsessed”. I have never tried to learn Latin or particularly care if you can buy a sestertius for just a few hundred rand online
Sure, I acknowledge the impact the Roman Empire had on modern civilisation and occasionally refer to it historically, but it certainly isn’t on my mind day and night. Do you have any idea how inadequate that now makes me feel? Like six-pack abs, this is just another unreasonable expectation that the internet is putting on me, and I am not having it. I am coming out here and now to say, I am Roman Empire apathetic and proud.
Hopefully, this gives other men the ability, when faced with a significant other’s TikTok camera to say loud and proud, “I never think about the Roman empire, but I do wonder how Hollywood will make exploding car chases when every vehicle is electric”.
